Ground Control to Major Tom!!

If I had a time machine and it meant that I could go back and forth and erase all the dumb things I did, I would probably let it rust in the corner. Because I know that if I tried it, I would either wear it out and be stuck in the Black Plague or be transformed into a fly. I WOULD, however, use it to rob a bank. In the Wild West. And I would bring a video camera, for personal film archives of awesome things I do when no one is watching.



In my imagination, I think I fit in the wild west better than anywhere else. Maybe the 1960s, cause I already have the coat and the music taste, but I think the drugs are too much of a turnoff. Plus, I cant rob a bank on horseback if I’m in the 60s, now can i? I would have to have a firebird or something to make up the epicness difference.

*note: i have circled my hands so all of you notice that I am holding a hand gun. Lady like, I know. Not pictured: my huge pile of stolen money and valuables*

I would probably go to the future too, but just to be disappointed because they haven’t created a teleporter or deodorant that also shaves your armpit hair. WHY DOESN’T THIS EXIST? We have the technology to deodorize and rid of hair—lets combine them! Come on inventor people! This is way more important than making a smaller ipad or whatnots—think of all the time it would save it women-kinds morning routine (and think of how much money apple could make with their ideodorant! And while they’re at it, they should make shampoo/conditioner/body wash combo that smells like tomato plants.

New invention that feminists like me (that should be a band name: Feminists Like Me) should be ecstatic about—We no longer have a purpose for men! Women can now take an egg and grow a baby all on their own! Only thing is that it looks just like the Mom, because it’s just the egg. So, it would be like having a mini-me all the time. Kind of cool, kind of creepy.
*disclaimer: I am by no means enforcing that men should be eradicated from our society. On the contrary, if we were to rid of men, I would probably shoot myself. TOO. MUCH. ESTROGEN. *

I would also like to time travel to time after humans. I really want to see nature take over the world again, and watch great man-made creations fall at Mother Natures hand. (MYAHAHAHA. I feel so evil right now.) I would probably not spend very long there, because cat’s would either have to adapt from their cute-adorable state to having actually do stuff like find food on their own instead of meowing loudly and having treats deposited at their feet, or they would go extinct.

It’s so fun to think about life after humans. I think I do it on a daily basis. I would never wear clothes. Never. Instead, I would make clones of myself in a petri dish and we would form a nudist colony (just kidding, there’s no way I’m cutting open my ovaries for the benefit of the human race). I would bathe in rivers and fountains. I would drive everyone’s really nice cars and have entire college campuses for my home. Let’s see- Trinkle would be my bathroom, Virginia my sleeping quarters, Combs would be my library, Jepson my kitchen…

I think I should explain that in my daydream, I’m also invincible and immortal, so I cant be eaten by wild dogs or escaped lions. And it’s not a zombie apocalypse. Nor are there dead bodies all over the place. Everyone else just… disappeared. Like, an alien spaceship came and picked up everyone except me. I’m like wall-e, only I don’t have to pick up trash. I just… do whatever I want and ride camels for fun.

I take it back—I would also go back to the dinosaur days. But I would also be invincible and immortal, so that way I could ride on the backs of raptors like the Bandito from last year’s Relay for Life shirts.WOULDN’T THAT BE AWESOME??

Oh, and the ice age. Actually, every age from the Neogene to the Quaternary, so I can see those creepy anteater-horses and also ride on the backs of Mammoths.

Mammoths are so cute. If I could bring one animal species back to life, it would be the mammoth. Elephants don’t have crap against the mammoth. I mean, their furry, they have little ears (none of that floppy awkward business), epic long tusks, and they are SO BIG. Like, 17 feet tall. And they weigh about eight tons. Oh, no, I’m not a professional researcher on Mammoths, which is what you’re probably thinking, I just really really want one. I remember going to the mammoth pit in South Dakota when I was little on a family trip out west. That was what started my love.

There was also a picture book that I remember loving about a little boy who goes into the snow in his backyard, and there's a mammoth buried in the snow who takes him for a ride around the world. Anyone who knows what that book is and lets me know, you win Julie’s award for awesomeness. WHAT A PRIVILEGE!

I might get lonely, but I talk to myself already, so I think I would survive. I would really miss Eric though, because I would do all these stupid things like fall on my face or start a nuclear winter, and he wouldn’t be there to make fun of me.

I guess I’d miss other people too…

So, everyone is probably wondering what is happening to Julie in the real world since time machines don’t exist. Other than daydreaming and eating two giant bagels, I took a Geology exam, Gave an English presentation, and signed up for classes. NBD.

Fall 2011 is going to be hell. Why, you ask? Because I’m taking 18 credits. And I have Spanish EVERY DAY.

Just shoot me now.

Lol, jk, it won’t be that bad. That’s what I’m telling myself. I’m going through the six stages of grief prematurely, and right now I’m on denial.

Luckily, I have some awesome classes to balance it out with. Like Music Theory! And Women’s Studies! And an English seminar on Post colonial and Gender! And—most importantly—CREATIVE WRITING!!
WHO’S EXCITED? I’M EXCITED!!

A new Post! With a lot of CAPS AND ITALICS!!!!!

Its raining. I love the rain. Its my element.

Let me rephrase that. I love the rain when I’m inside, or when I’m outside and I don’t have anything to do. I like the rain cause it puts me in the now.
As I lick the yogurt and walnuts off my bagel, I remember the pains I had to go through this morning. Example: having to put my morning bagel in the yogurt because they made the “to go” boxes at the dining hall smaller by about 4 inches. That’s 4 inches of food that I’m not going to consume. Thanks a lot school, I’m actually trying to gain weight, but I guess that means I have to use more of my overly abundant meal swipes, huh?

I feel bad complaining. As well I should, if anyone around here reads the newspaper. Since I last posted on my blog, a earthquake has hit Japan, followed by a tsunami, followed by a power failure at a nuclear power plant. Wow. And I think my life is bad because it’s raining and they ran out of lids at the dining hall so now my rained-watered-down-coffee is running down my arm?

Yeah, I’m overly privileged. So I feel the need to tell everyone that I am the daughter of a hard working family who happens to be in the 10% of the world who has money. I’m someone who thinks my life is hard because I have to write a paper for my British Romantic Literature class, but I’m too distracted because I can’t help rerunning the image of my cat and I playing chase around the house.

I’m still trying to figure out what I’m going to do to make a change, however small. I know what everyone’s thinking, “meh meh meh meh meh, I’m a rich spoiled college kid who wants to make a difference because I don’t know crap about life, meh meh meh meh meh”. For those of you who cant envision that, picture the meh meh mehs coming from the adults in the comic Peanuts.

It’s kind of scary when I find myself proud because I gave up Facebook for Lent and actually haven’t checked it except for on Sundays. I mean, Jesus gave up food and water for forty days, and I give up checking a website. Good work, self.

Anyway, back to what I was trying to say before I interrupted myself with criticism. (Am I the only one who does that? Like, I’ll be walking down the street having a normal conversation with myself (in my head) and I’ll be like, “oh yeah Julie, cause THAT makes sense” and then get into an argument. Like, with different voices and everything.)

RIGHT, back to the rain.

So, now I’m in my dorm room all in dry clothes, bundled up in my snuggie that Christine got me for Christmas (best present EVER), sitting by the heater, listening to the two Animal Collective songs that I actually like (out of 40, which just goes to show how many times I’ve heard Bluish since I started writing this), and I can’t help but think that this is heavenly. So many things are wrong with life, and there are so many problems in the world (like my bagels now taste like strawberry yogurt) (you can really tell I’m beat up about this, but I like my bagels UNTAINTED), but at this moment, with the wind blowing in the rain, all is good. All I could use for improvement is a cat. But when don’t I need a cat?


*WOAH guess what I just found out??? SO, you know how you start typing and then you realllly want to emphasize something, like WOAH, so you use all CAPS and then you forget you have them on so it just looks like your yelling, but you really don’t want that because it makes you feel angry and pent up inside, but you cant change it to lower case, so you have to erase it all and start over again? Well, YOU DON’T HAVE TO ANYMORE because word made this feature when you just highlight your text and it turns it into lowercase! GENIUS! *


Of course, this has probably always been around, but I’m pretty slow at these things. For instance, I didn’t know a jackalope was a fictitious animal until my mom had to break the news to me over the summer. As in last summer. As in, I thought that a rabbit with antlers was a real animal for eighteen years of my life. Oh, and I dint know you could towel dry my hair until I was fifteen. I was so excited when I found out. Don’t ask me how I went that long without figuring that out. Just know I’ve already been made fun of it, so no need to comment. Kay, thanks.

Three guesses (first two don’t count) to what I’m listening to NOW. I’ll give you a hint. I was introduced by Christine, who was introduced by Liz, co-introduced by Mr. Hardy in History class. It’s a Metal song… and it has reinforced the historical significance of the date 334 BC….

I got into the Sophmore Year Experience dorm for next year. I have mixed emotions. I’m going to be rooming with my current roommate, the incredible Erin. But, unlike Virginia, this dorm has both girls and boys, which means I can longer just walk around in my underwear. So I’m pretty bummed about that. Also, the hallways are narrower and the ceilings lower, which means I can’t get the same echoing effect when I serenade my hall mates to that song from Babe.

My classes are going swimmingly. I actually passed my math midterm. With an 85%. WHAT THE WHAAAAT? Yeah, I’m surprised and pumped and super proud of myself too. Then I gave a presentation in that class and got a 77%. I’m pretty sure I deserved a 100%, because I was so excited to talk about Sandwich Terns. (I’m not being sarcastic- they are an adorable seabird. They’re also a delicious sandwich, nuck, nuck nuck. (that was supposed to be Curly from the 3 stooges. I’m not sure how you type laughs these days)).

What else… I’m considering doing the Environmental Science minor, which is basically the best idea I’ve had since I decided to tape a picture of Boramir in the bathroom. I love my Geology class, and NO Kai, it’s NOT Rocks for Jocks, it’s actually challenging, but I am winning the nonexistent competition for better grades against both my lab partners. I also figure that I did better on the AP exam for Environmental Science than for any other class, so I might as well give it a shot. Plus, if my novel falls through, I can have something useful on my degree.

Okay. I need to write a paper and make some tea now, so hopefully the burners in the kitchen is working and I’ll write soon!


As long as I’m on a roll of being pitiful, I’m going to plea to everyone who reads my posts. PLEASE FOLLOW ME. (Every time I hear “follow me” I think of the captain jack song, which is just funny business.) I mean it. Make a google account, and hit FOLLOW and then make me feel cool and popular because I have more than 12 people who care about my life (and yes, Christine, I know you are following me twice, so job well done. You win a gold star.) Tell you kids, tell your wife, come check out my blog and maybe then I will post more often and not be so whiny and unimaginative. Oh, and if you’re already following me, job well done. You can make me even happier by making a fake google account and following me again. *Cough, what? Who just said that pitiful statement? Cough cough.* Yeah Sefan, I KNOW YOU'RE NOT READING THIS YET. GET A GOOGLE ACCOUNT ALREADY SEFAN MCGREGOR.

F you Maths... Faths.

Every March since I was in middle school I end up coming home crying.
Its unbearable. Not only do I have to suffer through the pollen, but I also have to deal with people coming up to me and asking me what’s wrong.

Take today for instance.

I was walking from my math class to the dining hall, and I was stopped twice. Then, when I was in line, I was asked again.

I’m not angry, if anything it kinda makes me happy to know that random strangers want to see me happy, but I secretly know that they are just satisfying their own need at knowing everyone else’s drama.

Okay, stepping back. I know there are nice people in the world who actually do care and aren’t all egotistical and stuff. But I’m going to admit it now that I’m not one of those people, so unless it’s a friend, I don’t really care.

Okay, ouch, now I just sound like a jerk.

FORGET I SAID ANYTHING.

Okay, so I have allergies. And they only come out for about two weeks mid-March. So I shouldn’t complain.

But IT SUCKS.

Like, half of my face is constantly balled up in a weirdo sneer, with a twitchy eye. So I look like I’m constantly smelling something bad, but only on one side, and I’m really sad about it.

Not an attractive look.

Well, today I’m kind of glad I have the whole allergy cover-up cause I just took my math final. It took me over two hours. And the first problem, about bacteria in frozen chicken, was nearly impossible. And then, to make matters worse, it was one of those multi step problems, so if you got the first part wrong, the WHOLE THING is wrong. And I’m pretty sure I got the first part wrong. So I guess I’ll never know how many bacteria’s a frozen chicken is packaged with. Darn.

Tomorrow is my Linguistics exam. I’m sure to have better luck with that, even though I haven’t studied nearly as much as I did for math.

I always have wondered if the more right-sided/left-sided brain thing is true. Like, I know they proved that the left side of the brain is associated with language, writing and thinking and the right side is all creative. Well, it doesn’t make sense to me which side I prefer. Because, while I’m terrible at math, I rock at science and have common sense and am pretty logical. I also love classical music, which is apparently associated with the left side. But I also love to write creative fiction (that’s like using both sides at once) and paint and organize things. So, basically, I’m pretty equal in both sides, which is ideal, but that still doesn’t prove anything. Like, am I terrible at math because my brain is wired that way, or is it just that I don’t really care/ never understood the basics?

I was put in GT when I was in sixth grade. I don’t remember anything about that class other than Christine was in it and I didn’t like it because we had to do math without counting on our fingers (which I still can’t do, just fyi). I remember crying once in class cause I was so frustrated and the teacher taking me out in the hall. And honestly, the best memory that I had of that class is the moment that she bent down to ask me what was wrong and I could see up her shirt. And she wasn’t wearing a bra.

*disclaimer: I was at the height where, when she stooped, it was EXACTLY in my eye line. It’s not like I went looking down her shirt or something.*

Then, when I didn’t get into the GT school (thank goodness), I was put into the Algebra 1 class instead of taking another year of basic math like everyone else. My teacher was Ms. Banard. The only reason I remember that is because I had to go see her after class almost every day.

I just never understood math. No matter how hard I try, no matter how many formulas I memorize, it just doesn’t seem to click.

So, cross your fingers that I passed the math midterm, because if not it means you'er going to get a lot more complaining.

My Apologies

Who makes their midterms to be two weeks after they stopped teaching the material? Huh? WHO? My math teacher and my linguistics teacher, that’s who.

Not happy.

Today, instead of finally being able to take a breath of fresh air, I need to study for math. Like, I should be starting right now, actually, about two hours ago, but I honestly can’t bring myself to open that text book another time.

But not everything is bad. For example, it’s Saturday. And I’m alive.

Also, there showing Harry Potter all weekend at Cheap Seats (our schools ghetto version of a movie theatre), so I went last night and will probably be going again. And yesterday my number was drawn for a raffle, so I got a Harry Potter poster. Never mind that it looks like a scene from Twilight—I love it.

I’ve been getting back into the habit of running, which, while being awesome, also makes me wish that I was in high school again just so I could justify spending all my time running instead of studying or caring about school. I’m signed up for the Marine Corp marathon with my brother and best friend, and I’m super pumped to be running a half marathon in a little less than a month. Also, I’m signed up to run a relay event with my brother in “Team Randall” style. I think we should get white shirts and put a red R on it like Team Rocket from Pokémon.

So, between that and studying and doing homework and eating and sleeping, I haven’t really had a chance to get into awkward encounters or do hideously mundane things that deserve their own blog post because I had some ‘great’ insight on the world or something.

So, my apologies for everyone who read this blog and liked it: it’s going to be boring for the next week or so, because I have a GPA to maintain.

Tootles.

My Spring Break

Spring Break was amazing. Seriously.

I suppose I’ll look at my life some day and realize that I spend all my “free time” working. I don’t know. I guess I just like to be busy.

When I wasn’t at work, I spent time with my favorite brother. Eric and I went hiking at Great Falls. I’m just glad I didn’t see 127 hours, or else I probably would have just made us go on boring dirt paths.

Other than that, I mostly just chilled with my Dad. We watched about 10 episodes of 30 Rock and ate epic bowls of ice cream. Or I read Gone with the Wind, which is a surprisingly interesting read. It feels like I’m reading another tween romance novel, only I’m not ashamed of the title (seriously—Mates, Dates, and Inflatable bras? Could you choose a more embarrassing title? Oh yeah, I guess Angus, Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging trumps it quite a bit).

I also played with my baby boy. We played I-chase-you-you-chase-me a lot. That’s his favorite game. Basically, it starts by making eye contact from across the couch, then running into the other room as fast and loudly as possible. Pippin is so adorable- even when you’ve stopped playing, he’ll substitute you for his favorite mousey or a little black puff ball which he carries around, drops, stares at, then attacks with enough force to stop a freight train. Right now he’s bird watching.

Oh no, we just made eye contact.