Ground Control to Major Tom!!

If I had a time machine and it meant that I could go back and forth and erase all the dumb things I did, I would probably let it rust in the corner. Because I know that if I tried it, I would either wear it out and be stuck in the Black Plague or be transformed into a fly. I WOULD, however, use it to rob a bank. In the Wild West. And I would bring a video camera, for personal film archives of awesome things I do when no one is watching.



In my imagination, I think I fit in the wild west better than anywhere else. Maybe the 1960s, cause I already have the coat and the music taste, but I think the drugs are too much of a turnoff. Plus, I cant rob a bank on horseback if I’m in the 60s, now can i? I would have to have a firebird or something to make up the epicness difference.

*note: i have circled my hands so all of you notice that I am holding a hand gun. Lady like, I know. Not pictured: my huge pile of stolen money and valuables*

I would probably go to the future too, but just to be disappointed because they haven’t created a teleporter or deodorant that also shaves your armpit hair. WHY DOESN’T THIS EXIST? We have the technology to deodorize and rid of hair—lets combine them! Come on inventor people! This is way more important than making a smaller ipad or whatnots—think of all the time it would save it women-kinds morning routine (and think of how much money apple could make with their ideodorant! And while they’re at it, they should make shampoo/conditioner/body wash combo that smells like tomato plants.

New invention that feminists like me (that should be a band name: Feminists Like Me) should be ecstatic about—We no longer have a purpose for men! Women can now take an egg and grow a baby all on their own! Only thing is that it looks just like the Mom, because it’s just the egg. So, it would be like having a mini-me all the time. Kind of cool, kind of creepy.
*disclaimer: I am by no means enforcing that men should be eradicated from our society. On the contrary, if we were to rid of men, I would probably shoot myself. TOO. MUCH. ESTROGEN. *

I would also like to time travel to time after humans. I really want to see nature take over the world again, and watch great man-made creations fall at Mother Natures hand. (MYAHAHAHA. I feel so evil right now.) I would probably not spend very long there, because cat’s would either have to adapt from their cute-adorable state to having actually do stuff like find food on their own instead of meowing loudly and having treats deposited at their feet, or they would go extinct.

It’s so fun to think about life after humans. I think I do it on a daily basis. I would never wear clothes. Never. Instead, I would make clones of myself in a petri dish and we would form a nudist colony (just kidding, there’s no way I’m cutting open my ovaries for the benefit of the human race). I would bathe in rivers and fountains. I would drive everyone’s really nice cars and have entire college campuses for my home. Let’s see- Trinkle would be my bathroom, Virginia my sleeping quarters, Combs would be my library, Jepson my kitchen…

I think I should explain that in my daydream, I’m also invincible and immortal, so I cant be eaten by wild dogs or escaped lions. And it’s not a zombie apocalypse. Nor are there dead bodies all over the place. Everyone else just… disappeared. Like, an alien spaceship came and picked up everyone except me. I’m like wall-e, only I don’t have to pick up trash. I just… do whatever I want and ride camels for fun.

I take it back—I would also go back to the dinosaur days. But I would also be invincible and immortal, so that way I could ride on the backs of raptors like the Bandito from last year’s Relay for Life shirts.WOULDN’T THAT BE AWESOME??

Oh, and the ice age. Actually, every age from the Neogene to the Quaternary, so I can see those creepy anteater-horses and also ride on the backs of Mammoths.

Mammoths are so cute. If I could bring one animal species back to life, it would be the mammoth. Elephants don’t have crap against the mammoth. I mean, their furry, they have little ears (none of that floppy awkward business), epic long tusks, and they are SO BIG. Like, 17 feet tall. And they weigh about eight tons. Oh, no, I’m not a professional researcher on Mammoths, which is what you’re probably thinking, I just really really want one. I remember going to the mammoth pit in South Dakota when I was little on a family trip out west. That was what started my love.

There was also a picture book that I remember loving about a little boy who goes into the snow in his backyard, and there's a mammoth buried in the snow who takes him for a ride around the world. Anyone who knows what that book is and lets me know, you win Julie’s award for awesomeness. WHAT A PRIVILEGE!

I might get lonely, but I talk to myself already, so I think I would survive. I would really miss Eric though, because I would do all these stupid things like fall on my face or start a nuclear winter, and he wouldn’t be there to make fun of me.

I guess I’d miss other people too…

So, everyone is probably wondering what is happening to Julie in the real world since time machines don’t exist. Other than daydreaming and eating two giant bagels, I took a Geology exam, Gave an English presentation, and signed up for classes. NBD.

Fall 2011 is going to be hell. Why, you ask? Because I’m taking 18 credits. And I have Spanish EVERY DAY.

Just shoot me now.

Lol, jk, it won’t be that bad. That’s what I’m telling myself. I’m going through the six stages of grief prematurely, and right now I’m on denial.

Luckily, I have some awesome classes to balance it out with. Like Music Theory! And Women’s Studies! And an English seminar on Post colonial and Gender! And—most importantly—CREATIVE WRITING!!
WHO’S EXCITED? I’M EXCITED!!